I have been an ardent blogger since 2018 and now suddenly I see some huge gaps in the number of blogs I offer my readers on my page. A lot has been playing on my mind recently and usually blogging helps me bring out the juggling of thoughts from my mind to words and stories, that I aim to not only inspire the readers but also myself.
One of the strong and most annoying thoughts in my mind is the societal definition of age and the limits they set for each level. 23-24 being the right age to complete education, then the age of 22-24 being the right age to get married, 26-28 the right age to have kids, beyond 30 you are too old to get married, have children, you may have biological complications etc and of course, beyond 30-40 is no age to pursue higher qualifications or achieve any goals.
Society has defined these limits and expect us to ‘behave’ our age – studying after 30 is of no use as that is the age you should focus on your kids’ education. If you dress up fashionable at the age of 35, then you are asked questions as to why you are behaving like an 18 year old. In the world of sports, be it cricket, F1 racing, basketball etc if you have crossed a certain limit of age and you perform inconsistently on the field, then you are tagged ‘should retire’ as people decide that you are no longer the best player as you have now ‘aged’. When a 22 year old has pursued higher education, got his/her degrees, has sought an admission abroad for further studies , he/she is applauded and appreciated to be brilliant, smart, intelligent among the lot. But when a 32-35 year old (delayed or rather pursuing higher education late), they are demeaned, demotivated and discouraged – so much so that it distracts their focus from education and they are mentally disturbed, that shifts their mindset from achieving any goal. Our dreams get sacrificed once we give the society’s age limit our consent and then our life is not in our hands.
A very popular saying goes, ‘Age is said to be an issue of the mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter’. I am 30 years old, unmarried, still pursuing my higher education, looking after my parents, working on goals of my life to achieve and make my life purposeful. I have my relatives, my family, some friends worried for me like I am running on a time bomb or a product reaching it’s expiry date. Another birthday, another increase in age, then I could might as well be expired (in the literal sense, I feel). This societal barrier/block on age has ruined lives for worse. There have been girls married at 18, with basic education, now with children in 20s and pursuing higher education, being friends to their 20s kids and living life that they could not because of societal pressures to get married, start a family etc. There are others who are in their late 30s, pursuing their dreams in closed rooms, not venturing out for the fear of neighbors/society questioning them what they are upto or why they should just end their dreams and live a normal life with marriage and kids. We live in constant fear and an opinionated society eating up our lives and dreams like the termites.
Of late, I have been hearing different stories of age defying gut. I wish to list them out as I found them salute worthy, courageous, confident and beautiful –
- An 85 year old grandmother who exercises on a daily basis, doing yoga with wonderful postures and feel.
- Bill Iffrig, a 78 year old has been a marathon runner, completing the Boston Marathon – continuously for the last 3 years since 2007.
- Women aged 42 and 53 years old pursuing higher education to make themselves independent after having brought up their kids, looked after them and made them independent.
- Mary Kom – 38-year-old Famous amateur boxer – the only female boxer to have won a medal in each one of the first seven World Championships even after bearing a mother of 2.
- A couple in Gujarat, aged 85 and 81 respectively have started running a business for hair oil, at the comfort of their home with the help of their granddaughters.
- Milind Soman, 56-year-old – Indian actor, supermodel, fitness enthusiast – he runs marathons, does yoga – loves to keep himself fit. His mother, Usha Soman – aged 81 is also a marathon runner, a fitness enthusiast at her age and constantly challenges her son in fitness.
- Sheela Bajaj, a 78-year-old Delhi resident, was able to convert her passion for crocheting into a business and managed to open her digital store, with the help of her granddaughter.
- Dwayne Johnson – 49-year-old American actor – A great fitness enthusiast, works out from 4 am in the morning and constantly between his shoots. He has been a wrestler before and has not sacrificed it, come what may.
- Couples in late 40s are quitting their corporate jobs and starting organic farming businesses.
- Latest inspiration being Nykaa, an Indian e-commerce company founded by Falguni Nayar at the age of 50. She is now the wealthiest Indian billionaire woman after her business flourished with her company going into IPO recently.
All of these stories become extraordinary in our eyes, when we see them through the lens of societal age limit mentality. When we stop looking at timelines set by society and do what our body and mind can achieve, when we start to listen to our hearts, do things that make us happy and don’t run on time machines as defined by our relatives, then such stories can be ours too.
What is the correct definition of age of life ? – The time of life when a person becomes qualified to assume certain civil and personal rights and responsibilities, usually at 18 or 21 years; legal age. Post 18 years, it is our age to make choices, take decisions, run on our own timelines and of course, never compare with the timelines of others. My friend was married off at 22 years, is now a mother of 2 – I am still unmarried – I don’t understand why we give power to society to define our timings of life. All these timelines set, can work for one and may not work for another. I have my family telling me that this age is not the age to choose your life partner – you should just go with whoever comes, as my biological clock is ticking to closure. I have been told to quit working and settle. All this unnecessary pressure gets annoying for anybody at this level. Society will speak if you do something or you don’t. it is their job to always poke their nose in every aspect of other’s lives even though their own lives are ruined for worse. Had people been more considerate and understanding and lending enough support, I feel everyone’s mental health would have been in a good stance, depression could decrease, suicides could be prevented and everyone would live happier and in peace rather than die and hear – ‘rest in peace’.
In the recent times, young people have lost their lives – those in 30s , 40s due to heart attack even though their lives had been rosy, great and normal. We feel terrified hearing such news and makes us feel how unpredictable life can be. After hearing such death news , my mother tells me, ‘May be his/her life had been for only these many years’. She is right in her words – I feel instead of defining our age limits, setting time bombs for activities, events – we focus on how we are making our lives meaningful enough to live and what change we are bringing about in ourselves and in the lives of the less fortunate. What matters the most during death is how you as a single individual impacted this world with your deeds, how kind you have been, how inspiring your life has been, how best you have lived rather than if you met your timelines effectively.
Each one’s timeline is different. Most of us believe in God, the Almighty – we all know we are here for a purpose. If we fulfilled that purpose, that is when our lives end. The Almighty’s plan for all works in the best manner – He made us, we have to trust His ways. Our destiny is decided, our timings work for each one separately. It will happen when the time is right , come what may.
It does not matter if you were 37 or 45 , married or divorced, had kids or could not bear , owned a home or lived in rented all life – all that matters is If we focused on our goals, helped the needy , made our lives worthy enough in this world and contributed in a good way, this is enough to make you feel that you have lived a life of satisfaction. Count your age by the number of memories, not by the number of years.
I am not saying that one should act like a Salman Khan or a Tom Cruise doing body building at age of 50s , but all we could do is bring about healthy changes in our lives with our eating habits, exercises, meditation, meeting new people, cutting out ugly conversations and stop answering society’s why’s , how’s , when’s – we don’t owe an answer to anybody. Do not limit your dreams or goals because you feel you have ran out of the ‘right’ age to do it. There is no right age for anything. Like the saying goes – ‘If it makes you happy, don’t bother how others react – do it anyway!’
I would like to end this blog on a happy note and a thought , ‘And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life your years’ – Abraham Lincoln.
